a stronger connection: an interpretive semi-fiction
There was a vapid stream of entertainment which was hurled across the room at me as though it were a
piece of raw meat, and I was expected to chew on it thoughtfully. Crowded though the room was, and
indiscriminate as the message seemed to be strewn about the room, I remained. I even felt more or less
at ease. I even watched, periodically interested.
Statistically, there was, at best, a 15% chance of this to happen, but she walked into the crowded, noisy
room just as the oscillating fan was pointed in my direction. It transmitted the scent of her perfume into
the room; floral and rich, it was a thread leading through four years, vibrating unsettlingly, and fastened
to a stake which was driven into the foundation of my memory to mark a tragedy. A second breath and a
careful examination with my eyes closed revealed differences; they were subtle, but notable. For a few
moments after my eyes opened, her thin, sharp jaw was Miranda's, and her sweet caramel-brown eyes those
of the fallen angel, of the tragedy who shared a candle-lit room with me where no confession was too
disturbing, and no failure was too compromising.
to think dangerous thoughts
In speaking with Clinton lately, I've been trying to define the most preferable employment. The 'best job.'
Some speak of exorbitant compensation. Some speak of making a difference. Some speak of tangible
accomplishment. Some think of no work at all, but lounging as the idle rich. That can't be fulfilling.
What is it that I want to do? Naturally, something which probably doesn't exist: I want to be part of an
intelligent group of people who think dangerous thoughts. Setting the exigencies of means aside, and assuming
that such a job would pay the bills and leave a bit aside for entertainment, that's what I'd like to do.
They're not the dangerous thoughts you're probably thinking of. I'm not out to subvert any governmental
institution, I'm not advocating revolution or bloody battles. I'm talking about turning people's ideas
on their side. It would be a renaissance group. Perhaps some art, perhaps some science, perhaps something
which hasn't been invented yet.
Clinton observed that that is what we already do here at MR, if we're doing it right. I'm not entirely sure
I agree. I think what I'm paid to do here is, rather than think dangerous thoughts, think new, safe thoughts.
The difference is subtle, but telling. That's the nature of business. Business isn't about true risk, but loading the dice in your favor.
I can understand that.
listening too much
Last saturday, I bought a CD by A Perfect Circle
called Mer de Noms (Sea of Names). I'd originally heard their single "Judith" on the radio, and
found it intriguingly like the song "Sober" by Tool, a song which I quite like. Since then, I've probably
listened to the CD a good fifteen or twenty times. It has a range of emotions and aural textures which
clearly delineates it from any Tool album. If you're a Tool/NIN/industrial/goth fan, I highly recommend
it. Also, you can get an edited-lyrics version from