. elsewhere . . letters from the inaccessible .


16 October 2000

everything, all of the time.

They're going to make my head explode. All downhill from here... The sickest part of it is, I know I can get used to some pretty awful things.... just don't notice it much anymore. Headaches: a dime a dozen. That's point 1 of the public list. Damn my willingness to put up with it.

I'm probably going to die young, because when you just give up, all that's left is for the heart to stop beating.

without even an echo in reply

So you ask me about why God lets things happen the way He does. I don't know. All I know is that if I got what I deserved, I'd be dead by now. And I'm not, and that means I'm on borrowed time, I have no right to complain about the most horrible things happening, and that time is borrowed from Him. Look how I waste it, indeed...

it's happening everywhere.

This one says there's no such thing as good enough. This one says let's talk about you stepping up. This one bestows names of questionable meaning. This one wants more time. This one wants my blood. This one doesn't know because I'm scared silent.

It's happening everywhere. It tries to follow me home. Usually, it does. It insists on its pound of flesh. It makes me think I'm dying, it makes me think I'm ruining everything, letting the harvesting blades rust while breaking the fragile crystals.

There is no top to the mountain. If you don't stop and rest on the way, you don't acclimatize, and you die. Altitude sickness starts with headache, dizziness, fatigue, shortness of breath, loss of appetite, nausea, disturbed sleep, and a general feeling of malaise. As it gets worse, you get severe nausea and vomiting, increasing weakness and fatigue, shortness of breath, and ataxia. And then you build up fluid in your lungs.

It's more important to be good than happy.

musings of señor prod.

Status reports, tangible goals, monthly 'improvement points,' never rest at the Revolution.


©2001 Timothy A. Clark -|-