. elsewhere . . letters from the inaccessible .


1 January 2001

or drawn gravitationally

A thought just came into my head as I was trying to decide what to write: I shouldn't think about Mariet as much as I do. And I shouldn't be sitting here trying to thing of something to write while I'm feeling the way I do (physically), as I've been imagining the most horrible things. I wonder why I worry so.

To be completely honest, I don't know if she's even alive. And, unlike Michelle C. (who, as well, comes to mind perhaps too often), I have cause to fear that she's dead. But all this is, probably, a story best untold.

Anyway, this is about getting stuck. Perhaps it's a slight obsessive/compulsive tendency kicking in, perhaps it's a touch of good old-fashioned depression, but I tend to focus, and focus intently, on certain (mainly bad) things. I make bricks of marbles, I make fire alarms of cooking timers.

And I think of Mariet. And Michelle C. And on and on.

However, this tendency is not always a negative trait: when in this state, I can recall things, details, even better than usual; my tape runs in higher resolution mode as well, I store memories with sharper clarity, admittedly, primarily the cause of that focus with a higher relief than other details...

... and counting

Last night, while the Million Dollar Gods, Pedalmakers, etc., etc., etc., were making a rude noise on Amy's Downey roof, the recently-declared Dr. Bruce went to watch the Smoking Sign flip.

Near the intersection of Veteran and Santa Monica in West LA, there is a large sign with a digital display which says something to the effect of "Number of Deaths This Year Caused by Smoking: [n] and Counting."

Dr. Bruce went out to watch the sign flip from somewhere near 420,000 to zero, and to his surprise, there was a crowd of about 15-20 people out there to watch it as well. By the time I drove by on my way home (about 1:07 am), that number was at 55.

musings of señor prod.

The Revolution will not be televised.


©2001 Timothy A. Clark -|-